lonesome

enveloped by vast fields of grain, so petrified to allow soil to penetrate providing the desire to persist in suffering, silently weeping to rhythmic nature of concealed agony, chilling droplets of life pierce the surface of the ravenous beast, unaffected by the cries, fleeting moments of serenity entrails the eternal damnation of the midnight abyss, eternal presence abruptly ceasing to exist, resonating well with my ears… 

moonlight suicide

Piercing cold, transparent white smoke slowly releasing from lungs falling to beautiful waters so powerful clashing against rocky cliffs light beaming down reflecting on deep waves creating shadows so unique yet all alike moving to the smooth beat of nature life so peacefully destructive falling into the hands of the force bringing waters closer further back and forth so close to touch yet too far to reach arms strecthed foward ready to jump into numbing waters so gracefully existing sillouhettes of branches in the midst of lights of life lonesome heart beating pumping blood through veins so visible in transparent ghostlike skin existing awkwardly in hands of life and death simultaneously 

Fuck Nothing

true reality is a distance away constantly in pursuit of this, prism preventing beauty in life from shining through complicating the simplest purest into the most vile degrading, slapping nature across the face with our hubris thinking we are so superior in our thoughts to the way things should be looking back on the past as if we have any idea as to how things may have happened if nature did not take it’s course and deeming it as better who are we to decide we are nothing but matter taking up space beings who simple cannot be from being so overly consumed by controlling our reality resulting in anything but the truth so confident in our ever changing opinion always so quick to assume it is fact when in fact we know nothing about the truth so consumed by our words failing to realize what already exists so natural so pure so untouched and unanalzyed by our judgmental minds so destructive of what already is because our ego simply cannot handle the knowledge of anything being out of our control we think we’ve got everything down in this life but the truth is that there is no truth to anything because the second we are able to just be without worry of control and knowledge is the moment this cosmic joke will no longer apply to us for we will be on the outskirts of this prism we humans have created to feed this ravenous ego of ours 

so i guess i’m bi-sexual. officially. ha. big surprise, i had a little affair with my best friend. it was amazing though. so much love. so much passion. i love her. 

everything was perfect. 

sometimes i completely talk out of my ass. just a random stream of words. with no meaning behind them. 

yeah yeah yeah…

yeah, i’m dramatic at times 

yeah, i have a few bad habits

yeah, i have no self control in more instances than i wish 

yeah, i’m sometimes overly involved in my thoughts

yeah, i may seem weird to you since everything is relevant to me 

yeah, i argue sometimes because i am suppressing my own emotions 

yeah, i know you see right through my bullshit

but, if you could have only understood the love i had for you…all would be well. 

eh fuck it, made use of the private option on some posts. gonna make this public. why not? it’s not that serious 

current feelings/thoughts

sometimes i’m a little to honest about what i’m thinking. the person i used to be would be so worried about being judged by others. i honestly think within every moment i understand my consequences of my actions and comprehend what i must do to avoid negativity. and if i purposely act in something that will influence a negative thing. well…then it is simply already done. everyday is a new day for us to evaluate our morals and principles to strive towards meeting them all. we’re all human. so to judge another for there faults while you yourself, out of nature, are guilty of faults too then you are merely a hypocrite. i’d like to say i am a good person in that i genuinely intend the best for everyone. and i’m currently working on getting over my ridiculous ego and pride that seems to get in the way of all my relationships. it’s not worth it anymore. i accept that i may have feelings for someone and they may not experience the same intensity towards me. nothing i can do about, but i enjoyed feeling something towards someone. i find beauty in that. to genuinely care about someone other than yourself even while knowing they do not feel the same. as long as they do not intentionally hurt you, it is not fair to judge them by their absence of love toward you for they cannot help how they feel. accept it. understand that they are entitled to feel however they may. still love or have feelings for them because that should not be contingent on it being mutual. i have grown to really appreciate him having been in my life, even though it was a confusing road and i always felt uncertain about everything. it was damn worth it. though i had not reached love for him, i still loved feeling anything. passion is beautiful, and i did and still do care about him regardless of his feelings. i’m glad i can say this now without hurting my pride. oh how i’ve grown. babysteps (: 

"Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."

Janet Fitch (via lucifelle)

(Source: nirvikalpa)

"The spirit is life.
The mind is the builder.
The physical is the result."

Edgar Cayce (via lucifelle)